InsideOut

"See, O Lord, how distressed I am!

I am in torment within,

and in my heart I am disturbed,

for I have been most rebellious.

Outside, the sword bereaves;

inside, there is only death.

People have heard my groaning,

but there is no one to comfort me.

All my enemies have heard of my

distress;

they rejoice at what you have done.

May you bring the day you have announced

so they may become like me.

Let all their wickedness come before you;

deal with them as you have dealt with me

because of all my sins.

My groans are many and my heart is faint."

---Lamentations 1:20-22

Amen...[So Be It]

Complications

People...

why do humans act in ways that hurt others?

what has happened to peace, love and understanding?

Am I missing something here?

Friends are supposed to keep each other accountable:

love,

accept,

trust,

believe.

My heavy heart is resting in His hands. It should not matter what the world thinks, what should matter is what He thinks.

He loves,

accepts,

trusts,

believes

in me.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11: 28-30

Christ fills me with peace.

I am in awe.

New Light of Tomorrow

Sunshine.

Laughter.

Joy.

Happiness.

Christ.

Love.

Peace.

Flowers.

He is working on my heart.

The joy of the Lord is my strength and stronghold.

Praise God.

Nothingness

whooooosh

goes the breeze

cruuuuunch

go the leaves

as they fall from the tops of the trees

i've made my home in the silhouette of a dying art-form.

laughter no longer shrill, but muffled and still.

my heart is on hold. for what you ask?

i know not.

go to HIM. for the answer, for the plot.

screeeeeeeeeeech

the cars come to a halt

boommboom,boomboom

the thudding of my heart

my vital signs indicate that my heart is still beating

i am still breathing

alive.

so, why do I feel like I'm dead?

surely, this is not what death is like.

i'm just trapped....trapped in this prison of a body.

flesh and bones

blood and sweat and tears

oh, that he may shine through the cracks and brokenness

God, may you fill me up as I pour you out.

for i am just an empty shell with out you.

apart from you, I am nothing.

Empty

It is catching up with me, this game I play.

Every endless night, every ceaseless day.

I am in love with this false sense of reality.

How it torments my inner most being

How I lay awake dreaming...

of what was and how it can never be again.

[tiring of trying and unnecessary dying]

Pull the veil over my heart

Lock the gate

Strip myself of emotions

For I can never let anyone in again.

I tire of weeping

Wasted teardrops

Raw and real, they are all that I allow myself to feel.

A dear friend once asked me if I believed in soulmates.

At one time I did, but now I'm not so sure.

I don't have much hope anymore.

As much as I wish it weren't so.

Please Lord, prove me wrong.

NineoneninE

i cease to insist - i am just trying to exist. establishment in question, i ponder in future thought. "this independence comes at a price," she says to herself. emancipated from past ties, but roped into new ones; something just doesn't seem right. her mind is transcended, her thoughts above it all, are racked with inquiries, but no one has an answer. ah, to be a bird, soaring high above the world below-to break out in flight is her desire. it is the only truth that she can recognize these days...

Change is in the air.

it is that unfamiliar,

bittersweet taste that rests upon my lips,

burns my lungs, eyes, throat.

my whole body aches with the echo of a new melody. i do not think i am in the right kFe#y...at least, not yet.

blood...
boiling,
racing,
stretching,
aching
through my veins.

i am filled with an over-abundance of
emotions,
feelings,
thoughts,
ideas.

change...
that dreaded word...

it is going to be good.