No Talk, Sleep Walk

I'm sleep walking these days.

This haze.

Outrage.

I'm fumbling my words.

Who heard?

Absurd.

The kettle is steaming, screaming, wheezing...

my name.

I am.

You are.

This is.

I write in obscurities because I do not understand my own thoughts.

Vague, passive, fading.

I hold my tongue; as do you. Who will speak first?

I will...I am shouting...shouting at the skies but there is no echo in reply.

Waiting for the infection to take over.

Sitting in silence my head is surrounded by thousands of loud voices, noises. I am running. Running far and fast and yet I am at a standstill.

I'm sleepwalking.

The Men In My Life

Clairty

The heart is misleading, deceptive...

I've let my heart mess with my head.

I have been confused for far too long.

But, tonight clarity has hit me.

I fear that I am too late and the damage has been done.

What do I do?

I miss so many things. So many beautiful wonderful things.

I'm ready for this now. I wasn't before.

But...is it too late?

Is it?

InsideOut

"See, O Lord, how distressed I am!

I am in torment within,

and in my heart I am disturbed,

for I have been most rebellious.

Outside, the sword bereaves;

inside, there is only death.

People have heard my groaning,

but there is no one to comfort me.

All my enemies have heard of my

distress;

they rejoice at what you have done.

May you bring the day you have announced

so they may become like me.

Let all their wickedness come before you;

deal with them as you have dealt with me

because of all my sins.

My groans are many and my heart is faint."

---Lamentations 1:20-22

Amen...[So Be It]

Complications

People...

why do humans act in ways that hurt others?

what has happened to peace, love and understanding?

Am I missing something here?

Friends are supposed to keep each other accountable:

love,

accept,

trust,

believe.

My heavy heart is resting in His hands. It should not matter what the world thinks, what should matter is what He thinks.

He loves,

accepts,

trusts,

believes

in me.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11: 28-30

Christ fills me with peace.

I am in awe.

New Light of Tomorrow

Sunshine.

Laughter.

Joy.

Happiness.

Christ.

Love.

Peace.

Flowers.

He is working on my heart.

The joy of the Lord is my strength and stronghold.

Praise God.

Nothingness

whooooosh

goes the breeze

cruuuuunch

go the leaves

as they fall from the tops of the trees

i've made my home in the silhouette of a dying art-form.

laughter no longer shrill, but muffled and still.

my heart is on hold. for what you ask?

i know not.

go to HIM. for the answer, for the plot.

screeeeeeeeeeech

the cars come to a halt

boommboom,boomboom

the thudding of my heart

my vital signs indicate that my heart is still beating

i am still breathing

alive.

so, why do I feel like I'm dead?

surely, this is not what death is like.

i'm just trapped....trapped in this prison of a body.

flesh and bones

blood and sweat and tears

oh, that he may shine through the cracks and brokenness

God, may you fill me up as I pour you out.

for i am just an empty shell with out you.

apart from you, I am nothing.