Nothingness

whooooosh

goes the breeze

cruuuuunch

go the leaves

as they fall from the tops of the trees

i've made my home in the silhouette of a dying art-form.

laughter no longer shrill, but muffled and still.

my heart is on hold. for what you ask?

i know not.

go to HIM. for the answer, for the plot.

screeeeeeeeeeech

the cars come to a halt

boommboom,boomboom

the thudding of my heart

my vital signs indicate that my heart is still beating

i am still breathing

alive.

so, why do I feel like I'm dead?

surely, this is not what death is like.

i'm just trapped....trapped in this prison of a body.

flesh and bones

blood and sweat and tears

oh, that he may shine through the cracks and brokenness

God, may you fill me up as I pour you out.

for i am just an empty shell with out you.

apart from you, I am nothing.

Empty

It is catching up with me, this game I play.

Every endless night, every ceaseless day.

I am in love with this false sense of reality.

How it torments my inner most being

How I lay awake dreaming...

of what was and how it can never be again.

[tiring of trying and unnecessary dying]

Pull the veil over my heart

Lock the gate

Strip myself of emotions

For I can never let anyone in again.

I tire of weeping

Wasted teardrops

Raw and real, they are all that I allow myself to feel.

A dear friend once asked me if I believed in soulmates.

At one time I did, but now I'm not so sure.

I don't have much hope anymore.

As much as I wish it weren't so.

Please Lord, prove me wrong.