Frustrations.

It overwhelmed me today.
So, I went down to the river-

-down to the river to pray.

To shroud myself in the sounds of nature.

When I spoke aloud and shattered the silence it seemed out of place, I nearly scared myself.

It torments me today...
and I want to escape the vast darkness that envelops me.


But, that isn't up to me. It's not my decision to make.

I simply don't understand. I don't understand these things!!!

"You can't or you just won't??"
Kicking the dirt on the concrete pavement, I embrace the landscape surrounding me.

I go and sit by the rivers edge on a rock in the shade of an old oak tree.
The water slowly drifts up stream and creates such a calm sound as it passes beneath the bridge-and yet, I cannot bring myself to enjoy such things.
My heart is troubled.

I cry aloud to the Lord, give my plea, ask for forgiveness. If these things are not part of His will I pray that He takes them away from me...to make it less painful.

I hate doubting-but, how can I not?
I hate feeling alone-how can I not?

I let my spirit float down stream and pray it carries me away.

Red Shoes.

For my feet.
They are neat.

Sort of tall.
Made of pleather.

They can not withstand bad weather.


I have red shoes.

They are red.
I will put them in a box on my shelf to rest for the next 10 years.

What a waste of money.

Trust.

Not all things are possible with God.

There is one thing he cannot do, will not do, could never do.


God cannot lie...

and for this I am truly blessed.

His promises endure.



May I take this to heart.

Amazing. Grace.

That saved a wretch like me!!
I once was lost, but now am found.
Was blind, but now I see!



Praise God!


I need to have that kind of faith..every moment of every day.

mirror image.

turn away
light of day
it breaks it down for us to see.


but, i'm blinded for all eternity.
eternity as it seems.

'self-impressed by how well i can put myself down.'

'wolf am i-no, shadow i think is better because i'm not something more like the absence of something so shadow am i.'














i hate myself today. ..///////////////

numbers....

recently, whenever i have looked at the clock the numbers have been the same.
ex. 11:11, 12:12 ect...

it has been happening quite frequently...

for instance, this morning i woke up at 7:07

later today i found out that my vocal solo is scheduled for 10:10 am this wednesday.

weird...

differenceIn

towards.......


people..

thoughts..

ideas...

me..

life...

i don't know what to thin k today.

..............................//////..............i just want to sleep for the rest of forever....