Frustrations.

It overwhelmed me today.
So, I went down to the river-

-down to the river to pray.

To shroud myself in the sounds of nature.

When I spoke aloud and shattered the silence it seemed out of place, I nearly scared myself.

It torments me today...
and I want to escape the vast darkness that envelops me.


But, that isn't up to me. It's not my decision to make.

I simply don't understand. I don't understand these things!!!

"You can't or you just won't??"
Kicking the dirt on the concrete pavement, I embrace the landscape surrounding me.

I go and sit by the rivers edge on a rock in the shade of an old oak tree.
The water slowly drifts up stream and creates such a calm sound as it passes beneath the bridge-and yet, I cannot bring myself to enjoy such things.
My heart is troubled.

I cry aloud to the Lord, give my plea, ask for forgiveness. If these things are not part of His will I pray that He takes them away from me...to make it less painful.

I hate doubting-but, how can I not?
I hate feeling alone-how can I not?

I let my spirit float down stream and pray it carries me away.